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LEARNING TO "LISTEN"

Many marital conflicts are caused by a lack of good communication. The problem of "not listening" becomes extremely evident, if you raise an unpleasant topic, ask for something or criticize a person.

Typical examples would be unpleasant topics like problems of the child, spending not enough time together, lack of cooperation in the house, financial issues.... .

"You are not listening!", is a very common complain and might be one of the most important causes of marital problems.

The accused partner might feel very uncomfortable and tries to prepare a defence or way to get rid of the unpleasant talk.

The spouse might refer to an actual problem (problems of the child at school, financial concerns, lack of cooperation in the house, not enough time spend together).

Very often this is not only restricted to an actual behaviour or problem, but to "all" situations or prior experiences of the partner. So this will start an argumentation about the "truth" or exact frequencies, exact situations or words or prior discussions.

Very often these arguments are not at all based on listening and communication but more or less influenced by an escalating anger and frustration. This can cause additional very personal attacks and scars.

But it is rather simple to establish better communication skills. First of all, to establish a better skill of "LISTENING" to each other.